Same Same but Different
Looking for sameness in those who are different
“Same, same, but different,” is a phrase I first heard in Thailand back in 2004. It’s a phrase meant to emphasize sameness while also recognizing that things are different. Think of an orange and a tangerine. Same shape, same food type, but different. I think it’s mostly used in sales and bartering, where a shopkeeper might be trying to convince you that a product is the same as what you want, even though it’s different. This phrase though, applies well to an area of necessary personal growth. A growth in which I start looking for similarities between myself and others, rather than differences.
I don’t know about you but I’m much quicker to notice differences than similarities. Sometimes I think it might be the mark of a pessimist, a skeptic, or maybe an introvert. But I know I do that all the time. I note how they think differently, what they believe differently, what they do differently. These distinctions form the narrative of the person in my head much more than how they are the same as me. Sometimes this is positive. I might notice differences that I admire or aspire to have. I might be thankful for their differences because it fills in gaps in society, in the church, in the workplace, or in my family. Other times though, this is a negative. Other times I see the differences in personality, thinking style, or practice of faith and I put up walls. I see those that I don’t identify with or agree with, and that becomes a barrier to relationship. The distinctions can become something I want to avoid or that, deep down, I fear.
I wonder if we’d all be better off if we practiced looking for sameness. If we stop boxing people into categories of “otherness”. If we stopped tuning people out based on their differences in thinking. This could be applied somewhat widely, as in we can engage with different news sources, media choices, and communities. However, for me, it is something I need to practice in my day to day life. I need to look for sameness in the people I encounter. I need to look for what we share as fellow humans. I need to focus on what unites. This doesn’t mean we don’t recognize the differences in others or even respect them. I’m not saying I’m going to pretend diversity isn’t a thing and tune out the wonderfulness that comes with different age, race, religions, colors, abilities, genders, and more. It’s a nuanced thing – to feel connection through the sameness while respecting the differences in other humans. Same, same, but different.
I recently found myself listening to Dr. Wylin D. Wilson, a womanist bioethicist interviewed on the Faith for Normal People podcast[1]. As I write “womanist bioethicist” I wonder if that creates feelings of differentness for you. Maybe words like feminist, activist, liberal - or - conservative, pro-life, umm, Trump supporter bring forth that sense of uncomfortable “otherness” for you. Othering is easy based on these identifiers. But Dr. Wilson’s advice is very helpful in creating connection with folks who are different than you. As a black, womanist, bioethicist I’m sure she has no shortage of experiences butting up against different opinions, thoughts, and beliefs. So, she practices actually verbalizing to herself, “we are the same”. She says this simple practice pushes back against the division, the fear, the internal scripts. “We are the same.”
At no point is this promised to be an easy and quick fix or a cure-all. But I do think it’s a spiritual discipline that might help us focus in on our shared humanity, createdness, and basic needs for food, health, security, and connection. So, I’m gonna work on this. I don’t assume I’ll be good at it. For sure my internal bent will fight it. But I can see it being a good thing to try, to push back on othering, polarizing, and boxing people up.
One other point raised by Dr. Wilson that I think is relevant was her practice of asking how she wants to be each day. Not so much what she wants to do. She suggests that asking, “how do I wanna show up,” or “what kind of person do I want to be” might help us show up well. She has spent over a year meditating on the 1 Corinthians 13 passage of love, with lines such as, “love does not dishonor others. This practice fuels her desire to show up in this open, same-seeking, kind way. Perhaps starting each day with this question will help me go through my day with the recognition that each person I encounter is the same in Who they are created by, is the same in Who they are loved by, and that their differences help create the wonderfully diverse world we need.
[1] The Bible for Normal People. (2025). Episode 56: Wylin D. Wilson – Womanist wisdom.